PAST -kkb

1st post

ça me manque de ne plus te voir

ça me manque de te parler

Je regrette les moments que j'ai passé avec toi.

Tu me manques beaucoup et je pense toujours à toi

still remember tht time , i wanted to learn french from u ? . . . .

haha . . . u taught me few words :D which is

merci beaucoup - thanks . . .

au revoir - goodbye . . .

je't adore / je't aime - i love you . . .

there are more , but i just could'nt remember ...

je veux moi vers etre aimer dernier temps . . .

i wan us to be like last time ...

elle juste jamais aller se passer ...

it just will never happen ...

parce que de jalousie , les se battre entre moi aller jamais mettre fin ...

because of jealousy , the fight between us will never end ..

n'importer quand je regarder a vous , je avoir des remords ..

whenever i look at you , i feel guilty ...

n'importer quand je ignorer vous , elle juste toucher aimer je frapper mon avoir cceur ...

whenever i ignored you , its just feel like i stab on my own heart . . .

i think thats all for today ..... duno wat i can write anymore ... au revoir :D

je't aime :D

i love you :D

toujours heureux et sourire :)

~K~

2nd post

I know i'm not a perfect friend,
You're broken heart, i've tried to mend.
Instead i made you hurt and cry,
Maybe i should say goodbye.
Would it be better for me to go?,
I asked you, and you said "No".
Why say no when i hurt you so bad,
But believe me,
you're not the only one that's sad.
I made my best friend hurt like mad,
If i left would you be glad?.
Deep in my heart,
I'll always know,
I'll love you always,
Even if i go!

I have learned that sometimes "sorry" is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.

Understand that no matter how many times you say you're sorry it wont wash away all the pain and hurt you caused and the tears you made me cry.

-k-

3rd post

" The stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won't hurt you again. "

" You know somebody, and they cry for you.

They stay awake at night and dream of you.

I bet you never even know they do, but somebody's crying for you.”

" Remember me with smiles and laughs, for that's how I'll remember you.

If you can only remember me with sadness and tears, then don't remember me at all."

" I'll never says Good-Bye but only will says Nice to know you ... "

" My heart was taken by you, broken by you, and now it is in pieces because of you. "

"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else"

"If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go"

-K-

some of the stuff he said..and it perfectly how i feel now. i guess its nothing to blame him. i just must accept the fact of things and move on. damage done..i cant take it bak.. but it doesnt change the fact that he is the BEST BRO i have met.and i MISS him terribly..i hope he's smiling:)
IMTF KKB~

SLEEPWALKER~

i drew it on bamboo? the only "yay" part of this post:(


lately..life just seems like a dream... a bad dream..i keep telling myself to wake up again and again..but..it doesnt seem to work..i guess i cant really wake up from this nightmare..pinching isnt the answer for this one..

remembering the bittersweet moments of life truly are amazing..when you feel as if u are reliving them everytime you think back about those happy memories..ahhh...how i wish..the nightmare now would end..and i could soundlt fall asleep into reality..with those happy memories again..

YT..your face keeps flashing in my head over and over again...yes..i have moved on..but..do i miss you? yes..i do..very deeply! its the moments i sit alone by a corner when i think back about us..you were truly a blessing to me.. sometimes..every corner in class...i would see flashbacks of the happy memories we once shared.. the worst part was having to walk to block B...by the stairs with naresha yesterday...i felt sad immediately once i rewinded to the momment you told me..you were leaving..the most painful thing was..months before that..you told me you would never leave me..once plip told me about his departure..

i said i was more open-minded right? haha. i guess i jinx it. just when i thoughtt everything was goin on the right path...the yellow brick road to my hapiness cracked apart..and now im left hanging on the edge on one side..i can still be open minded actually..its just the problems lately leave me no choice but to think about the past..and guilt comes out frm me..haiz..im so fed up.

when N and S first fought..that was a bad sign for me. and it happened right after you left..i felt as if..life was so empty..life had no meaning anymore..i relied on dev a tad too much..and once i let go of him..it became worst. i felt so alone. so lost..so left out..YT..so dramatic arent i? haha. i cant even laugh without sighing at the same time lately.

and..J and A fought too. haiz..i feel helpless not being able to help J. but i dont wana gt in between them la. after they claim i butt in. and K wif T...haiz..i gotta say..apart from N and S..these two are by far the least expected ppl i expected to have problems. i guess when you are close to a person..you know and trust that they got your back..whereelse you dont judge the people that you arent close to. so when dat close fren doesnt reach your expectations..you get more mad than usual.

j came to me yesterday..and said something a HIM..YT...my gawd..you know my heart aches so much whenever we have problems. i totally understand when he's in a bad mood he will be emotional and all. but i really cant stand in anymore la. i didnt mean to get between him n T.. but it feels like such a waste watchin two close friends fight. i mean..i noe hw it feels..cz last time me and std 6 fren jia hui..it was plain tortue. felt betrayed? maybe dats how he feels nw.

even if i am more open minded lately..i still cant get rid of some jealously dat i had. haiz.. he doesnt even sit in tuition with me those times. i guess i wasnt there for him enough. i dont show it much dont i. i didnt show i care about you too right YT? haha..people used to say..carissa...you're such a nice person.. i can be nice..but i never choose to show my mean side..thats why they tak feel anything. but..lately..its coming ouf by itself. im raising my voice so much. i noe i must stand up for myself..but..when i do..people say i changed.

its been two weeks YT..since we fought. how dumb am i to remind him of his probs? hahah. i suck. honestly..i dont wan it to continue any longer..but..i should give him time la. its just nightmares of fightin wif my std 6 fren affected me upsr..i dont wan tis to affect pmr. its like history repeating itself. im so sick of fighting with him you know? im so fed up. the explaining..im sure he's tired of me too.

you know i've been having so many flashbacks of times with him. haiz..in mimi's house. at the padang. and even texting each other when we are just next to one another. lol. i remember ruth once told me.."carissa..i admire you and .......... so much la..you guys so close and never have anythg wrong." when she told me that..i looked at him and realised..she's so right. lols. really..the day i ask him jadi me bro..haha.i remember=)

how i wish..i really could just..escape from all this drama YT? i need you..espcially times like this..i miss you the most. i feel guilt lately..everytime i look at a person i care about. different reasons each. and the new dude dat **** me..i feel so...close to him lately. well no one else ma. and for T..J told me i made it worst. and my hear really sank. you know how much it hurts? knowing..you made someone's prob more worst? and you're the blame? haiz. that guilt..its eating me alive YT!!! HIm HIm HIM!!! im crying so often again...but the tears mean nothing anymore..they fall for the same reason again n again...i even considered cutting myself YT..how dumb right? shyam n chui yin scolded me. but i guess..shahveenah did..so why cant i?

i wan a sweet dream...or a beautiful nightmare to fill my life again. i wanna feel reality with pride and smiles holding my head up high. but all i can do it mourn and drop down in tears when i cant stand it. i cant talk to anyone..at all ting...nobody gets me..even my bff..i dont wana trouble them. shaarmila ask me why i keep caring..and should stop thinking. but you know me. he means too much to me..you all do. and there was a line i learnt.." i rather feel hurt than feel nothing at all" i agree..i wanna noe..even though it hurts me so bad.

i really need to stop it. dev told me to chill and think about it. true..it gets better..but i keep thinking about it. i still dunno the real reason why he's mad. haiz..bt..i reli x blame him dy la...normally my wrong doin. YT...if i x cut myself..wat othr way can i release the pain? i feel as if cutting myself..it doesnt even hurt..as much as i hurt inside. tears drip pass my face..like rain everynight. i try not to think about it.. but i guess if my heart wants to think about it..i should just let it be..i cant force something i cant let go of. and one last time.. IM SORRY..to HIm.

look what am i doing? talking to myself? YT...if you read this..please..I MISS you..but please don't worry. im under good hands..of some people i truly trust. i hope you're doin fine? leave a comment if you're free. miss you. cal me. TTFN...:)

(walking in the rain..cause nobody knows im crying there..)

broken open...A.L

Broken pieces, break into me
So imperfectly what you should be

I don't want you to go
Don't wanna see you back out in the cold
Air you're breathing out fills you with grey
Don't run away, find me

I know the battles of chasing the shadows of who you are babe
It doesn't matter, go on and shatter
I'm all you need Broken pieces, break into me
So imperfectly what you should be Lay here, it's safe here,
I'll let you be broken open Hide you, confide to you so we can be broken open

Let's alight in the night
We can fall away, slip out of sight
When you drop your guard
Melt it in time, so it'll try crying

I know the battles of chasing the shadows of who you are babe
It doesn't matter, go on and shatter
I'm all you need
Broken pieces, break into me
So imperfectly what you should be
Lay here, it's safe here,
I'll let you be broken open
Hide you, confide to you so we can be broken open

Broken pieces, break into me
So imperfectly what you should be
Lay here, it's safe here, I'll let you be broken open
Hide you, confide to you so we can be broken open

Lay here, it's safe here, I'll let you be broken open
Hide you, confide to you so we can be broken open

broken pieces..

total eclipse of the heart..my heart does feel like this...

life right now..can be explained with so many ways.. to much to say actually. but sometimes..certain words can describe how i feel perfectly...shorter the better right?

-THOUGHTS-

why do i have to keep being:

~confused..

~depressed..


why does life have to be filled with:

~envy..

~jealousy..

~backstabbers..

~arguements..


isnt all our frenships be filled and bonded by:

~trust..

~loyalty..

there's nothing i can do..a total blackout in my mind nw..trying to resist hurtin myself..but who gives a damn..those cuts..dun even hurt me..wat i feel now is much more worst.. all i cn hope for now is all the HURT ONES..can be hapi and fine..

ttfn..E.P.O.S:(