i've been thinking...

well hihi bloggie...alot has happen since the last post.. well it doesnt really matter cause well...noone actually reads anymore. well its a good thing though..i can rant all i want about how sucky everything's goin lately...hahah.

well yea..i really dont get wats goin on in my mind..its just i keep changing my mind about stuff. feelings are so confusin and i just cant decide on wat i want and be 100% sure about it. i feel as if i've disappointed so many people that i've cared about..and i just really don't know how to correct my mistakes..its just so frustrating...

i really like bruno mars and taylor swift songs lately..i feel i can relate to the songs so much. talkin to the moon...runaway...back to december...etc etc. lyrics are so meaningful lately...i wish i could put some soul into my writing whenn i write my songs or poems...but failed==...haha. but well..i just really feel so emotional despite the pms...which ended days ago..im so sensitive to everythg...dunno wat to do...really useless= =

old feelings...why cant i get rid of them? i just really duno hw to control my feelings lately...a slight presence of affection or kindness and i fall head over heels...its just..guys are so confusin wei! hahha. its like they show u signs and u tink the feel the same way about you..but you cant be sure. i really dont dare to push it like aaron asked me to. its just..i rather not hv things awkward..what if tat person doesnt feel the same way? and things change..we cant guarantee everythings go right in life..but isit worth the risk?

im so sorry for hurting the people that love me and care for me and yet i dont even take the effort to truly understand how damn lucky i am. jeremy said once that 'the chase is always better than the catch'. nicely said. i guess im never happy with what i had till i lose them. how blind of me right? hahah. i just always wake up...and think that everything's gonna be alright..but..normally its wrong. i just dunno what to think la... he posted something that day that really shows how i feel.''

I don't want to lose your friendship because of a stupid crush, I'd rather be friends forever than just a brief flame. "

so true wei what he said..i wish the world would just stop and let me tresure the moments with these people.. is telling the truth really what matter's most even though it hurts? a white lie is always my option..but lying to them is so wrong:(..i just really duno la..i hope they all know i do things for a reason..

jealous as always...i duno what signs am i getting from people. just get to jealous damn fast. i cant control it. mayb its cause she's much better than me. she's done ntg wrong to me...just..i look at her and i feel so sad..cause how could i envy her? she's really amazing..i just hope i learn to control more..

yt..i miss u so much...talkin to u on the phone that day..brought me to tears so fast...i just..wish u were always beside me..ditto..i only realise how much u meant to me when i was on the edge of losing u..and now..its too late..but i just wish to see u once..and hug u and tell u im so sorry for everythg i've done to hurt u. i cant take them back..but i just really hope u noe im here if u need anythg. wishing u a happier life than u ever had.:D

well i cant crap anymore. he's right beside me..sleeping like a pig...and even though he's so close..i feel so far..i just wish things would stay like they used to. but change..i have to accept.

ttfn readitandweep signin out

tre desole...

hatred...strong aversion..intense dislike..? however explained...i used to think..it wasnt posiblee for a human to truly hate another..and still strongly agree with that statement..but..still..being hated..is no walk in the park..

right now..i feel a mixture of emotions which really...just drives me crazy..i cant help think...'does the person really hate me that much?' 'wat have i done so bad to make the person hate me?' fine..maybe hangin up was rude and annoying..bt if that person was in my shoes..with dat situation..dey would understand....or maybe its just me..well..its always been me..hasnt it? hah.. screwed up something that makes me smile..once more. not oni causin pain to myself..but others..ass well..

i always knew it deep down..i cant didnt hv to courage to admit..bt...i always jz..keep it inside..cause at least if i dont know the exact truth..i still have the slightest hope that those words..were just a dream? stupid..and naive..i guess u cn call me that. but who hasnt felt like this before..tryin to lie to urself..makin urself feel slightly better..but when reality kicks in..its completely devastating.. and hurtful..and u feel completely stupid..for lying to yourself..and for wat? to feel better? hahaha...im such a fool arent i? nevertheless ..i have lost my faith in myself..

it hurts so bad..knowing a person dislikes you..but its worst when you are the cause of hatred between others..the guilt? the regret? sometimes..you know things would turn out badly..but you go on..cause u wana feel hapi..even for the slightest moment..but when it ends..truly..devastating ...it hurts so bad..you could seriously...feel..the pain in ur chest..your heart..mournin..and aching..with just bitter bitter regret..

i do feel angry..mad perhaps..that i've done nothing to deserve this..but maybe karma? like carmen always says..hahah..epic..bt well..life..is surpose to be like this? but...i feel as if..i cant bare to love somone..and hurt the person at the same time. sometimes goodbye..though it hurts in your heart..is the only way for destiny.. some lyrics i remember..haha..if goodbye is the only way to stop the fights..the pain..and the hurt..i gues..then..i dont have a choice...i do..but..well..we'll just see wats for the best;)..

so i really dont wana emo crap around..i'll just end with this..curiousity killed the cat..and there's nothing you cn do about it..

ttfn..readitandweep signin out