LIFE IS JUST.....

oh maii gawd, dude  how long has it truly been? 2 years? almost i guessxD well...i was in the midst of emo-in so i came back here...to where i used to drown my sorrows and frustration. well here i am again...dont know if its good or bad..but yea:/

ALOT has changed...and when i say alot..i really mean ALOT. 

i loved and lost someone i can say..is one of the most important person in my life. well..its not his fault. it was never truly his fault..he was just being HIM with me..not wrong to be comfortable. i guess i wil never learn to accept people for their flaws but expect them to accept mine. you might probably never see this..but YOU...yes you..i am very very truly sorry..for causing you so much pain these 5 years. the ups and downs. i wish i could take ur pain away and help u forget me even if u didnt want to. i have come to realise..i was selfish...i didnt think straight..i could have worked it out..but i chose not to..because i was scared to lose a fren.. but i really should have realise i was letting go of something special...and that is you..it has always been you...i remember..how seeing u would give me butterflies in me tummy, hearing u sing would make me smile. but u tend to annoy me with it at some point. but well thats wat we both have in common...our love for music and just singing our hearts out:) i remember talking to you about a future...i wana let u know..i truly truly saw a future with you..i wanted to marry you honestly...have your two girls...and be content with life. i got side tracked..im sorry. but i chose to let you go...and i know i cant turn back now with any regrets...but i just wan u to noe..that what we both had was somethin special and i will never forget how u made me feel. u were my first love and i thank u for showing me the best :) i hope all the best for you now...and well if faith allows us to cross paths again..im thankful. you made me happy...truly sincerely THANK YOU for LOVING me..and letting me LOVE you back...take care...you deserve all the hapiness in the world..

WELL I STARTED COLLEGE!!! woott! 6 months dy...still so excited for wat?==

but anyways..met alot of new frens.. CPU has been great and it has open my eyes to see i am blessed to have great frens around me. past and present.

well im pretty sure i have alot to rant and praise about college life but for now i cant focus on anything else..but HIM..yea...another guy..yes i have love issues all the time. 

honestly..what was i thinking when i chose him? did i see hope for hapinesss...did i see someone who could shelter me? i barely knew the guy. i just was atttracted to him and loved being around him. 3 months in and he tells me he has fallen for me. shocked..yes..confused...yes. i so blindly said yes to a guy i knew for 3 months and turned down someone i knew for 5 years. stupid? naive? blind? perhaps i was. but what can i do now..im not gonna turn back...im heading this path already. i guess he is so good looking and charming with a good heart. it scares me as hell. i had a crush on him...which got out of hand. i loved the fact he bothered to stay up and talk to me till 6am in the mornin n still be fine. i wish HE did that.see...i tend to compare dont i...F*** myself and my comparing. but yeaa...so now im in love again with this guy...he makes me smile with only a 'HI" and his smile..ow..let me tell u about his smile..you can melt staring at it. his kisses...his hugs..so warm..you never want him to let go of you. i loved being with him..still love it actually..but other than that..when we actally engage in serious convos...things turn sour. isit my fault? for expecting too much...bcz i left him for him. i shouldnt have. i just want him to see he should do something too...not just sit there and test me. but i ask for too much dont i. i do LOVE YOU....but mayb just not enough...mayb its too soon to tell. im sorry i hurt you so early ...i hope u can try to accept the flaws..or just chose to walk away. i thank God for giving me a chance of being loved again...and you truly are a lover... 
i hope we can have a future...i hope we can..despite all the odds..

so a couple of reminders for future me to keep in mind:

dont be jealous of the guys fren's relationship compared to yours..he needs guy time.
dont expect him to do things bcz he might nt think d way u do.
dont cry for everything
dont pretend like things are fine den explode
dont fall in too fast without being sure
dont try to please ppl just to keep them around
dont be so stubborn and try to compromise
dont say ur trying when u noe its not ur hardest.
dont love if you dont know for sure
work on ur attitude dont b  sensitive bitch it hurts other
appreciate the efforts he does give and not on the ones he doesnt do
try to really get rid of negative thought and bring in the positives..

BASICALLY CARISSA YOU GOTTA TRY WAY HARDER AND WORK ON YOURSELF

ttyl guys..perhaps a few months or years..but yes...<3 ciao="" font="">

not your average joe

oh maii gawd. it's been months yet again. and i've gone through another session or readin back on my post and yea..much has changed within this few months...it's scary to see what the future holds for us all?:(
so yea..im worried..about life..i dunno why. i've ended my so called second relationship and screwed up another frenship. i don't get myself. i am so selfish it seems that nothing seems to work out. i gave you my all and you had it all...so much..i never thought i would be so open to a guy before but now...we're nothing...and it makes me feel so sad..that all we've been through was nothing..all that we've done will soon be just a memory. ahahha, i kinda feel unsuci? its weird cz i mmg arent suci==. but ow well. no regrets..no point doh...im glad i went through so much crap these 9 months..cause it made me realise so much about my life. so to the man i hurt..im sorry..really am..sorry doesnt cut it..but what can i do...what can i honestly do already? i just hope all the times we had were actually worth it to you,..cz doh ur nt wif me anymore...i appreciated the time you gave me..and spent with me. i really hope we could be friends again like the old times. kkb told me to stop caring about what people think..but well your opinion on me does mean stg to me cause u mmg are a part of my life.
my sister's leavin for uni to london. hahaha..shame to admit it..but i wil..i will miss her:) eew...hahah..but yea..i wont have a cow nagging me to pack the clothes..or someone to fetch me around when i need to. no buffoon to cal when i end tuition. no idiot to talk to when im sad or when i just feel like breaking down.. i could normally just go next door and talk to the fool. but not anymore. noone to back me out with parents. no one to annoy me the way she does. no one to jump on my bed to nag me to wake up. noone to take my vege's for me cz i duwan dem. noone i cn steal food from anymore. the house will surely be so quiet without her insane screaming. and though i noe she will be only gone for 3 years, it hurts that i won't have someone there for me at home anymore. i know im so dramatic but hey, can you blame me, try living with a fool like my sis for 16 years, and havin her leave you all of a sudden, and telme you wont miss her? ahahhaah...i sound so emotional. but well..i am? im really sad but its something i hv to go on with and deal with. i guess i just hv to learn to grow up now. i feel like crying now but i promise myself i wont anymore. im happy now cause kkb told me some gud news.
went to steffi's house today. the pool was amazing. so romantic and so peaceful. wearing a dress and walking barefoot in the rain was truly an amazing feeling..feeling the breeze running though your hair. haaaaaa~ so happy. but got to spend time with friends new friends, old friends. still awesome. glad i got to. it was really a break from all the stress lately from choir and life. sitting there..soaking my legs in the pool, havin my dress wet after pushin steffi into the pool, lookin at such a fantastic view..and having you sitting there...it was perfect:) i felt amazing for once...having my dress float on water..im lame but yea:D ahahha...had to change to stg dry i was freezing cold. met a pakistan girl..super frenly:) and she is pretty!!! gorgeous and friendly. ahaha, if only everyone in the world was so bubbly..there wouldnt be any backstabbers or beetches:P but ow well, that's life.

and hey! i found a new obsession. he's from the glee project. CAMERON MITCHELL. super awesome voice, true to his believes and a passion for singing and songwriter..not to mention a lover to his beloved girlfren macy. he approved me on facebook and im so glad! i found him cause he inspires me so much and his voice is simply incredibleXD long live cameron mitchell! NERDS FOR LIFE! NERDS FTW:D so that's all for now its almost 3am, im super tired. cheerio bloogie. till we meet again
xoxo cyys

希望你知道:(

有时候，我想知道为什么你看不到我爱的是你，只有你。好像每次我想告诉你觉得我对你的感觉了，不好的事情发生，我觉得没有必要告诉你，因为它可能会破坏我们的友谊。
我感到悲伤和沮丧，因为我不能拥抱你，看不到你的脸，不能给我提供你的幸福，最糟糕的是，我不能告诉你或表达我真的很爱你。
对不起，这对我们双方都不可能在爱情，也许我们从来没有爱情，但我希望我们能已经坠入爱河。我感到很羡慕每当我看见你与其他女孩笑，我不知道为什么，但我只是想让你注意我或跟我说话，并一次，跟我微笑。
现在我知道我永远无法感受到我对你的感觉。，因为它是错误的，并可能破坏我们现在的关系。
现在, 谷歌翻译真的很烂，我的中文也糟了很多。所以我想我应该停止，只想在说一次... 我爱你..<3

in line...

hey bloggie..wow..its been long since i've last updated...sorry...didnt have anythg to rant about...and maybe i just didnt want to? well whateversss..so here's and update? enjoyyy:)
so yea..alot of shit has happened since i've last updated...alot of rumours goin round and well i feel like givingg everyone a piece of my mind...bt well i realise there's no point causee it'll make things worse. i just don't get those people who spread rumours? or backstabbers? its just pathetic sometimes cause i feel as if..whatever i've said to them were twisted and told to othrs in a completely different way that it was heard. it sucks the most when the ones that spread it were the ones that you trusted..well at least..you thought you did...

jeremy said its a part of growing up..but well..it sucks. i just don't understand why sometimes people cant just mind their own business and f*** off? sorry for the language..but lately...ever since my bday incident..i just feel like..there's no point. trust trust trust...i lay it on you people and why do i get? an asshole ruining our frenship by doin shit to me and my loved ones? backstabbing me and telling people bad stuff about me which isnt true? hurting the ones that i care about and so on bulshit.

people..why cant you guys for once just get a freaking life if u have none..till u have to come ruin others'. if u have an opinion..sure..talk i dont give a damn...but why spread it to others? do you want to ruin others' lives? so you could feel better about yourself? well damn..you really are so pathetic and stupid. open your eyes...or ur mind and try putting yourself in the person you're backstabbin's shoes. do u want your frens to talk about u? but maybe i guess...you people arent even frens? what do i look like im naive and stupid? im being nice to you guys..cause yea..you're my friends..and what do i hear? you people sayin im fake? and im a b***ch? what? i really don't geddit? does it amuse you people bringing others down? what happen to having a heart? i guess you people have none.

i know my mistakes..you people don't have to remind me..you people dont noe how guilty i feel K? so dont come running along..telling others not to trust me if you guys dont..sorry..but what have i done to you that u have to come menyibuk to my personal life? i've done ntg to you people..seriously...if u say u're afraid i've hurt your frens..den ok..sure...go protect them..instead of saying stuff like....dont be stupid....she hurt ppl before..she'll hurt you too. or u shouldnt trust her or wtv shit you guys say k? my probs between me and him..its stays between me and him..let me be for god's sake? you people are making my life miserable when i've done ntg to u?! so why...my gawd WHY?

sorry to YOU...for hurting you...and i dunno do u listen to what othrs say..but if u do..den i have ntg to say..maybe you contributed? bt i dont care..cause i've told u many times..but u just don't seem to listen that i'm sorry and i miss u. but..its ok..go on and hate me like the others k? i dont freaking blame u. cause..all i do is HURT you right? DISAPPOINT you right? its ok...go on and feel that way..i've said alot of things..but its pointless cause you're stubborn..and well..maybe that's why thing turned out this way. you just don't understand..i might not know how hurt you are..but i cn see it..and i felt it once..and try putting urself in my position knowing you've hurt someone u once loved dearly...dat doesnt believe u either..so yea...im sorry? but once again..its up to u to think..

and to mr KNOCKS...i noe ur paranoid. but imma do my best to make u happy. sorry for hurting u. i dunno what to say..i really dunno cause u don't get convinced cause u say u see stuff dat make u paranoid..den maybe me talkin to othr guys hurts u..do u want me to stop talkin to all males? i cn u noe...u will say yea right..but yea..whats the point? i dun want a man that is like that..and i noe ur nt tat kind. i noe ur fragile and u gt hurt once...but freaking listen to me...i might have hurt u in jan..but ily now..i do..so why why WHY THE HELL focus on me leavin u? do u wan me to really leave u to be sastified? if ok..den i think one day i would..but i wish you knew i nvr wanted to. its like history repeating itself..and this time..i reallt want things to work out between us. i want to be happy wit u...i do..but if ur paranoid ways continues..i'll just give up k? just noe that i love u..i have ntg else to say..cause sometimes its better to say nothing at all..cause there's no point if ppl x listen:)

so to those backstabbers out there..get the F**K away and shut up:)

to the man i've hurt last year i apologize...and just pls forgive me? isit too much to ask for? if yes..than..no point remainin frens if u always remind me abt the pass and the shit i've done..no comments.

and to knocks....i love u..pls jz rmbr that..and well u promised not to be paranoid..i hope u dont..but if u do..i hv ntg to say anymore k?

thanks for ur understanding of ntg people..u all rock:D

hey Knocks..this one's for you:)

NOTHING CAN COME BETWEEN US<3

she is not candy,

but she is so sweeeeeet!!!!

your love came in handy..

ow you make me love u bit by bit

she is not my lover

but she is so sweet..

don't worry babe just hold on tighter..loves meant to last forever=)

just like the rain pouring on my head

thinkin abt u...cant wake up frm bed?..

well no matter wht u hve said

i wud rather die for u then c u dead

boy how could you stay so strong..

for i have hurt you for so long?

How are you sure that hurting me is right or wrong,

for all we know it mite be just a love song?

you changed my world with a blink of an eye?

And tht is stg i cant reli deny

there is nothing i can say to lie

cz you make me sore so high.

kaleidescope colours flow in the wind..

im searchin for ya babe..where ya been?

Wht about in the dustbin

or wherevea u hve searched that i cant be seen ?

when loves gone...

just carry on..

But how can u move on

wen there some sort of bond?

you shot my down with your smile

making me go the extra mile..

but i cant smile for u anymore more baby..

this is driving me crazy

how do i say the words that i cannot find

how do i say all the things in my mind

how do i say wen the words are too few

how do i say how much i truly love you?

how can i tink of letting go of you

wen my love for u is so true

hey baby..hush dont say a thing..

please be my queen wen im a king

baby..this aint my last gudbye..

please don’t say gudbye..for I will cry

together baby..we will fly..

fly so high..till we reach the sky..<3

Imtf knocks..143

a word which can describe however u feel..is AWESOME:D

so i've been looking through many many quotes on google lately...and well....i found alot that are quite close to how i feel sometimes...so yea..enjoy;)

People overcome their fear of rejection every day, finding the courage to say "I love you." But what about the very real fear of ruining a friendship?

How wondrous it is to realize that a best friend is also the person we love...

Time spent with a friend can easily become more than just time spent with a friend.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. "

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.

One cannot and must not try to erase the past merely because it does not fit the present.

Jealousy is always born with love, but does not always die with it

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.

Trust is like a vase...once it's broken, though you can fix it..the vase will never be the same again.


that's all for now..im getting emo==...ttfn:D

SMILES ALWAYS

a thought ...

Often times we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you..<3

je tre tre tre desole...Parfois je voudrais vous poser, comment êtes-vous? "comme nous le faisions .. mais je sais que les choses ne sont pas plus la même ..

te regarder chanter aujourd'hui .. me fait pleurer .. Je suis tellement désolé pour tout ce que j'ai fait pour vous faire du mal .. vous ne pourriez pas voir ce que c'est? mais ce que nous avions était grande .. c'était juste des choses tristes n'a pas fonctionné entre nous ..


'rentabilité' et 'l'homme qui ne peut être proposée' a été une belle chanson .. vous avez utilisé pour la chanter pour moi:) Je me souviens. et je sais que vous n'allez pas me croire quand je dis que vous manquez. mais merci pour les souvenirs.

J'espère que vous avez déplacé sans moi. vous méritez un mister vie heureuse "bonbon" appelant:) hahha. prendre soin. sourit toujours .. et oui .. j'ai été enchantée de vous rencontrer aussi .. désolé et merci. au revoir.

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry :(


>bonbon>>tt<<