LIFE IS JUST.....

oh maii gawd, dude  how long has it truly been? 2 years? almost i guessxD well...i was in the midst of emo-in so i came back here...to where i used to drown my sorrows and frustration. well here i am again...dont know if its good or bad..but yea:/

ALOT has changed...and when i say alot..i really mean ALOT. 

i loved and lost someone i can say..is one of the most important person in my life. well..its not his fault. it was never truly his fault..he was just being HIM with me..not wrong to be comfortable. i guess i wil never learn to accept people for their flaws but expect them to accept mine. you might probably never see this..but YOU...yes you..i am very very truly sorry..for causing you so much pain these 5 years. the ups and downs. i wish i could take ur pain away and help u forget me even if u didnt want to. i have come to realise..i was selfish...i didnt think straight..i could have worked it out..but i chose not to..because i was scared to lose a fren.. but i really should have realise i was letting go of something special...and that is you..it has always been you...i remember..how seeing u would give me butterflies in me tummy, hearing u sing would make me smile. but u tend to annoy me with it at some point. but well thats wat we both have in common...our love for music and just singing our hearts out:) i remember talking to you about a future...i wana let u know..i truly truly saw a future with you..i wanted to marry you honestly...have your two girls...and be content with life. i got side tracked..im sorry. but i chose to let you go...and i know i cant turn back now with any regrets...but i just wan u to noe..that what we both had was somethin special and i will never forget how u made me feel. u were my first love and i thank u for showing me the best :) i hope all the best for you now...and well if faith allows us to cross paths again..im thankful. you made me happy...truly sincerely THANK YOU for LOVING me..and letting me LOVE you back...take care...you deserve all the hapiness in the world..

WELL I STARTED COLLEGE!!! woott! 6 months dy...still so excited for wat?==

but anyways..met alot of new frens.. CPU has been great and it has open my eyes to see i am blessed to have great frens around me. past and present.

well im pretty sure i have alot to rant and praise about college life but for now i cant focus on anything else..but HIM..yea...another guy..yes i have love issues all the time. 

honestly..what was i thinking when i chose him? did i see hope for hapinesss...did i see someone who could shelter me? i barely knew the guy. i just was atttracted to him and loved being around him. 3 months in and he tells me he has fallen for me. shocked..yes..confused...yes. i so blindly said yes to a guy i knew for 3 months and turned down someone i knew for 5 years. stupid? naive? blind? perhaps i was. but what can i do now..im not gonna turn back...im heading this path already. i guess he is so good looking and charming with a good heart. it scares me as hell. i had a crush on him...which got out of hand. i loved the fact he bothered to stay up and talk to me till 6am in the mornin n still be fine. i wish HE did that.see...i tend to compare dont i...F*** myself and my comparing. but yeaa...so now im in love again with this guy...he makes me smile with only a 'HI" and his smile..ow..let me tell u about his smile..you can melt staring at it. his kisses...his hugs..so warm..you never want him to let go of you. i loved being with him..still love it actually..but other than that..when we actally engage in serious convos...things turn sour. isit my fault? for expecting too much...bcz i left him for him. i shouldnt have. i just want him to see he should do something too...not just sit there and test me. but i ask for too much dont i. i do LOVE YOU....but mayb just not enough...mayb its too soon to tell. im sorry i hurt you so early ...i hope u can try to accept the flaws..or just chose to walk away. i thank God for giving me a chance of being loved again...and you truly are a lover... 
i hope we can have a future...i hope we can..despite all the odds..

so a couple of reminders for future me to keep in mind:

dont be jealous of the guys fren's relationship compared to yours..he needs guy time.
dont expect him to do things bcz he might nt think d way u do.
dont cry for everything
dont pretend like things are fine den explode
dont fall in too fast without being sure
dont try to please ppl just to keep them around
dont be so stubborn and try to compromise
dont say ur trying when u noe its not ur hardest.
dont love if you dont know for sure
work on ur attitude dont b  sensitive bitch it hurts other
appreciate the efforts he does give and not on the ones he doesnt do
try to really get rid of negative thought and bring in the positives..

BASICALLY CARISSA YOU GOTTA TRY WAY HARDER AND WORK ON YOURSELF

ttyl guys..perhaps a few months or years..but yes...<3 ciao="" font="">