lurveeeeeeee quote

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

nice quote;)

if you're the one...

heard this song when i was a little girl...and love it till now:)..<3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3bFOT1e-AU&feature=related

If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I don't understand If I'm not made for you,
then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I don't understand If I'm not made for you,
then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today

'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I don't understand If I'm not made for you,
then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
~END~

i bet you have no idea how i feel towards you..but if i could tell you anything..it would be this song..except the wife part><..lols. anyways, it doesn't matter how i feel anymore...cause i know things will never work out. thanks for the memories..imtf<3>

wishes;D

some earliest wishes on my bday:D

shyam called me 11.57 and talked till 12. hahahha. sho sweet:)
: happy birthday chubby cheeks...have fun yea..smile...

keshen's called was the best and most epic wish><
: hello? hello? happpy birthday? hello hello? *hangs up*
lmao!

kiren was the next kept on saying he was hyper..i wonder why he was..and now i noe
: EPY BUFDAY TO U,EPY BUFADAY TO U,U SO CHUBBY AND SO CUTEEEEE,U KNOE I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EPY BUFDAY CARISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

followed by zhen who needed clues==
: OHH HAPPY BDAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY:DDDDDDDDDDDDD hv a good one:D

herrvena was surprisingly early:D
: OMG carissa! your as OLD as me now! lol. hapi birthday to u my dear dear P***** P***** n most G******* carissa who sings so well(: hv a crazy year bein 16:d yeha!

tommy's msg was daaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmnnnn longgggggg..but all meaningful and well if it wasnt long it wouldnt b tom;)
: hapi birthday urmmm idk wat to say actually got so much wana say but x do..so i x exactly noe wat i cud tell u n wat nt 2...etc etc..(end with) ..ey vouz cyys, joyeuz anniversaire peut un dieu benir u...au revoir:)

my dear pillay ahem i mean shaarmila was next:)
:happy sweet 16 carissa! have an awesome one! love u babe..(yuck lol..jk)

well all these are the dear people who wished me at 12 sharp:)..thank you ya'll love you all so much:D...made me realise how happy n lucky i am to have you all by my side..god bless you all...imtf<3

just a dream~

(just a dream rhythm)
i was thinking bout food,
thinking bout meat,
thinking bout us,
what we gonna eat..
open my eyes..and there was KFC...xD..lmao.

(some funny before crap starts><)


wow...i had a great dream this afternoon:D..yay yay!..only sad part was when i woke up>< is="=">

anyways...so yea..he was walking me home and we made our way to a nearby park and we sat side by side just talking like no ones watching. laughing...smiling..just spending time together. so well we left awhile later and made our way to my home. we were watchin a movie together on the sofa bed...and he jz leaned back and grab my hands...held them tightly..looking in to my eyes..and giving me a smile. its funny cause i remember his beautiful brown eyes..but..i dont remember his face? haiz. i wished i did:) he laid down beside me...pushing my head against his bare chest..so warm and comfy...played around..cuddled and just spent out time together. i laid there...on his broad shoulders..playing with his hair..lingering my fingers through his hair..he held my hand and placed them on his chest..: can you feel it? he winked. :' that's my heart..its beating..beating for you:). my heart literally melted.

before i could reply..i opened my eyes..and my phone alarm was ringing. haizz..why did the beautiful dream have to end. i wish i could have times like this with the one i love more often. just the perfect touch to a relationship...time to bond<3

only down part of today...was i needed MORE TIME! great memory will remain in my heart always..the only down part...was i opened my eyes..and it was only JUST A DREAM~...imtf


anyways..my dear pingy's birthday was today!!! 16..getting old;) HAPPY BIRTHDAY PINGY! hope you had an awesome one. mei loves u always. smile and never give up. i gotcha back k:) blackberry SUXS><...ttfn...you're the best. sorry and thanks for everythg:) IMTF KWP<3

~you know you're in love when you cant sleep, cause finally reality is better than your dreams..~

relating..

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy..

found this o.O

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.

bits a pieces of my heart :(

you're leaving me today...and i cant call of reach you for maybe a week. hahaha...well..we've tahan not seeing each other for a month before right? im such a baby...sorry. hope you have a safe trip and have loads of fun:) will miss ya! and yes..i mean it==

its freakin 3am in the morning! wat am i doin here! talkin to zhen just gave me a slight sense of relief. and hving chuiyin care for me was the best:) am i okay she asks? sorry dear if you're readin this..i lied. haha. but dont people always? a white lie is better than hurtin others or makin them worried about you. so i guess why not. i post on fb that im emo..but when ppl ask..i say im fine. how plain stupid is dat?== but well..dont wana tink about crap when my life's actually pretty awesome:). i should be thankful.

gonna freestyle here and crap all the things i wan to because i can:D

come lets do another series of questioning? lame right. haiz. im so bored and lame. no lifed as they said. ahhahahah. why am i laughin..this is lame==. 1.2.3. goo!!!!!

why am i so caught up in making things right with everyone?
why do i give a damn to a thing everybody says?
why is it so awkward to talk to her?
isit because she talked behind my back when i trusted her ?
or isit just me?
why cant i accept the fact i cant have everything i wan?
why do i have to be so selfish?
isit the right thing?
or wrong thing?
why do i have to choose?
why do i think so much about you?
why do i still think about you?
and why dont i think more about you?
why do i feel so guilty?
why cant i just be heartless and mean?
why did i even say that? ==
what do you mean when you say 'i love you'?
do i perasan too much?
am i just craving for attention?
or am i just an emo wreck?
why do i like icecream but never eat it anymore?
what kind of a question is that? -.-
why do i miss you when im not suppose to?
why don't i miss you when im suppose to?
did i really hurt you?
do you know that you've hurt me too?
will you all ever forgive me truly?
why do i envy you?
why do i get jealous ?
why do i have to bring everyone down when i can prevent it all?
isnt it stupid and foolish?
why cant i just move on?
why cant i just appreciate all i have?
why ow why?

i really wonder do i need a huge slap on the face telling me..: HEY YOU ASS! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! REALITY SUXS! And yours is not bad at all..why cant you just deal with all you have before its too late.

why cant i insert that and store it permanently in my thick stubborn skull?

tc..ttfn..CONFUSED AND GUILTY AS EVER..

dedicated to a certain someone...( you're the best)

i wrote this months ago...i know..but..well..i read it again..and i hope you see this..cause i mean every word i say. it might not be much..but its how i really feel. :) enjoy!!

~STILL THERE FOR YOU~

i came into this place, the morning of my very first day,
sitting there all alone. try to stay out of everybody's way.
you came to me with a smile on your face,
our friendship started and my heart started to race.
don't you see how much you mean to me?
girl, i got your back, and you've got mine.
it took me some time to really see,
you're one of a kind and know that you have a friend in me.
now even though faith separated us apart,
you were there for me, and now from the bottom of my heart,
now please know, that i'm still here for you.
we had our laughs, we had our tears,
everyday was a dream come true to me,
we got distant and your cries i never heard.
a picture to burn in my head, i just let you be.
we regained our bond throughout time,
i thought noone was here, except you.
a shoulder to cry onn, life was hard like 'the climb'.
my tears rolled down like rain that day,
when i heard what you had to say.
your departure was hard to accept.
but even though we're separated miles and miles,
no matter how, i can't forget your smile.
now all i hope for is that you're happy and okay,
and i'm still here for you, forever and always:D

SYT...i miss you..and i hope you're smiling:D
p.s. im not les xD