not your average joe

oh maii gawd. it's been months yet again. and i've gone through another session or readin back on my post and yea..much has changed within this few months...it's scary to see what the future holds for us all?:(
so yea..im worried..about life..i dunno why. i've ended my so called second relationship and screwed up another frenship. i don't get myself. i am so selfish it seems that nothing seems to work out. i gave you my all and you had it all...so much..i never thought i would be so open to a guy before but now...we're nothing...and it makes me feel so sad..that all we've been through was nothing..all that we've done will soon be just a memory. ahahha, i kinda feel unsuci? its weird cz i mmg arent suci==. but ow well. no regrets..no point doh...im glad i went through so much crap these 9 months..cause it made me realise so much about my life. so to the man i hurt..im sorry..really am..sorry doesnt cut it..but what can i do...what can i honestly do already? i just hope all the times we had were actually worth it to you,..cz doh ur nt wif me anymore...i appreciated the time you gave me..and spent with me. i really hope we could be friends again like the old times. kkb told me to stop caring about what people think..but well your opinion on me does mean stg to me cause u mmg are a part of my life.
my sister's leavin for uni to london. hahaha..shame to admit it..but i wil..i will miss her:) eew...hahah..but yea..i wont have a cow nagging me to pack the clothes..or someone to fetch me around when i need to. no buffoon to cal when i end tuition. no idiot to talk to when im sad or when i just feel like breaking down.. i could normally just go next door and talk to the fool. but not anymore. noone to back me out with parents. no one to annoy me the way she does. no one to jump on my bed to nag me to wake up. noone to take my vege's for me cz i duwan dem. noone i cn steal food from anymore. the house will surely be so quiet without her insane screaming. and though i noe she will be only gone for 3 years, it hurts that i won't have someone there for me at home anymore. i know im so dramatic but hey, can you blame me, try living with a fool like my sis for 16 years, and havin her leave you all of a sudden, and telme you wont miss her? ahahhaah...i sound so emotional. but well..i am? im really sad but its something i hv to go on with and deal with. i guess i just hv to learn to grow up now. i feel like crying now but i promise myself i wont anymore. im happy now cause kkb told me some gud news.
went to steffi's house today. the pool was amazing. so romantic and so peaceful. wearing a dress and walking barefoot in the rain was truly an amazing feeling..feeling the breeze running though your hair. haaaaaa~ so happy. but got to spend time with friends new friends, old friends. still awesome. glad i got to. it was really a break from all the stress lately from choir and life. sitting there..soaking my legs in the pool, havin my dress wet after pushin steffi into the pool, lookin at such a fantastic view..and having you sitting there...it was perfect:) i felt amazing for once...having my dress float on water..im lame but yea:D ahahha...had to change to stg dry i was freezing cold. met a pakistan girl..super frenly:) and she is pretty!!! gorgeous and friendly. ahaha, if only everyone in the world was so bubbly..there wouldnt be any backstabbers or beetches:P but ow well, that's life.

and hey! i found a new obsession. he's from the glee project. CAMERON MITCHELL. super awesome voice, true to his believes and a passion for singing and songwriter..not to mention a lover to his beloved girlfren macy. he approved me on facebook and im so glad! i found him cause he inspires me so much and his voice is simply incredibleXD long live cameron mitchell! NERDS FOR LIFE! NERDS FTW:D so that's all for now its almost 3am, im super tired. cheerio bloogie. till we meet again
xoxo cyys

希望你知道:(

有时候，我想知道为什么你看不到我爱的是你，只有你。好像每次我想告诉你觉得我对你的感觉了，不好的事情发生，我觉得没有必要告诉你，因为它可能会破坏我们的友谊。
我感到悲伤和沮丧，因为我不能拥抱你，看不到你的脸，不能给我提供你的幸福，最糟糕的是，我不能告诉你或表达我真的很爱你。
对不起，这对我们双方都不可能在爱情，也许我们从来没有爱情，但我希望我们能已经坠入爱河。我感到很羡慕每当我看见你与其他女孩笑，我不知道为什么，但我只是想让你注意我或跟我说话，并一次，跟我微笑。
现在我知道我永远无法感受到我对你的感觉。，因为它是错误的，并可能破坏我们现在的关系。
现在, 谷歌翻译真的很烂，我的中文也糟了很多。所以我想我应该停止，只想在说一次... 我爱你..<3

in line...

hey bloggie..wow..its been long since i've last updated...sorry...didnt have anythg to rant about...and maybe i just didnt want to? well whateversss..so here's and update? enjoyyy:)
so yea..alot of shit has happened since i've last updated...alot of rumours goin round and well i feel like givingg everyone a piece of my mind...bt well i realise there's no point causee it'll make things worse. i just don't get those people who spread rumours? or backstabbers? its just pathetic sometimes cause i feel as if..whatever i've said to them were twisted and told to othrs in a completely different way that it was heard. it sucks the most when the ones that spread it were the ones that you trusted..well at least..you thought you did...

jeremy said its a part of growing up..but well..it sucks. i just don't understand why sometimes people cant just mind their own business and f*** off? sorry for the language..but lately...ever since my bday incident..i just feel like..there's no point. trust trust trust...i lay it on you people and why do i get? an asshole ruining our frenship by doin shit to me and my loved ones? backstabbing me and telling people bad stuff about me which isnt true? hurting the ones that i care about and so on bulshit.

people..why cant you guys for once just get a freaking life if u have none..till u have to come ruin others'. if u have an opinion..sure..talk i dont give a damn...but why spread it to others? do you want to ruin others' lives? so you could feel better about yourself? well damn..you really are so pathetic and stupid. open your eyes...or ur mind and try putting yourself in the person you're backstabbin's shoes. do u want your frens to talk about u? but maybe i guess...you people arent even frens? what do i look like im naive and stupid? im being nice to you guys..cause yea..you're my friends..and what do i hear? you people sayin im fake? and im a b***ch? what? i really don't geddit? does it amuse you people bringing others down? what happen to having a heart? i guess you people have none.

i know my mistakes..you people don't have to remind me..you people dont noe how guilty i feel K? so dont come running along..telling others not to trust me if you guys dont..sorry..but what have i done to you that u have to come menyibuk to my personal life? i've done ntg to you people..seriously...if u say u're afraid i've hurt your frens..den ok..sure...go protect them..instead of saying stuff like....dont be stupid....she hurt ppl before..she'll hurt you too. or u shouldnt trust her or wtv shit you guys say k? my probs between me and him..its stays between me and him..let me be for god's sake? you people are making my life miserable when i've done ntg to u?! so why...my gawd WHY?

sorry to YOU...for hurting you...and i dunno do u listen to what othrs say..but if u do..den i have ntg to say..maybe you contributed? bt i dont care..cause i've told u many times..but u just don't seem to listen that i'm sorry and i miss u. but..its ok..go on and hate me like the others k? i dont freaking blame u. cause..all i do is HURT you right? DISAPPOINT you right? its ok...go on and feel that way..i've said alot of things..but its pointless cause you're stubborn..and well..maybe that's why thing turned out this way. you just don't understand..i might not know how hurt you are..but i cn see it..and i felt it once..and try putting urself in my position knowing you've hurt someone u once loved dearly...dat doesnt believe u either..so yea...im sorry? but once again..its up to u to think..

and to mr KNOCKS...i noe ur paranoid. but imma do my best to make u happy. sorry for hurting u. i dunno what to say..i really dunno cause u don't get convinced cause u say u see stuff dat make u paranoid..den maybe me talkin to othr guys hurts u..do u want me to stop talkin to all males? i cn u noe...u will say yea right..but yea..whats the point? i dun want a man that is like that..and i noe ur nt tat kind. i noe ur fragile and u gt hurt once...but freaking listen to me...i might have hurt u in jan..but ily now..i do..so why why WHY THE HELL focus on me leavin u? do u wan me to really leave u to be sastified? if ok..den i think one day i would..but i wish you knew i nvr wanted to. its like history repeating itself..and this time..i reallt want things to work out between us. i want to be happy wit u...i do..but if ur paranoid ways continues..i'll just give up k? just noe that i love u..i have ntg else to say..cause sometimes its better to say nothing at all..cause there's no point if ppl x listen:)

so to those backstabbers out there..get the F**K away and shut up:)

to the man i've hurt last year i apologize...and just pls forgive me? isit too much to ask for? if yes..than..no point remainin frens if u always remind me abt the pass and the shit i've done..no comments.

and to knocks....i love u..pls jz rmbr that..and well u promised not to be paranoid..i hope u dont..but if u do..i hv ntg to say anymore k?

thanks for ur understanding of ntg people..u all rock:D

hey Knocks..this one's for you:)

NOTHING CAN COME BETWEEN US<3

she is not candy,

but she is so sweeeeeet!!!!

your love came in handy..

ow you make me love u bit by bit

she is not my lover

but she is so sweet..

don't worry babe just hold on tighter..loves meant to last forever=)

just like the rain pouring on my head

thinkin abt u...cant wake up frm bed?..

well no matter wht u hve said

i wud rather die for u then c u dead

boy how could you stay so strong..

for i have hurt you for so long?

How are you sure that hurting me is right or wrong,

for all we know it mite be just a love song?

you changed my world with a blink of an eye?

And tht is stg i cant reli deny

there is nothing i can say to lie

cz you make me sore so high.

kaleidescope colours flow in the wind..

im searchin for ya babe..where ya been?

Wht about in the dustbin

or wherevea u hve searched that i cant be seen ?

when loves gone...

just carry on..

But how can u move on

wen there some sort of bond?

you shot my down with your smile

making me go the extra mile..

but i cant smile for u anymore more baby..

this is driving me crazy

how do i say the words that i cannot find

how do i say all the things in my mind

how do i say wen the words are too few

how do i say how much i truly love you?

how can i tink of letting go of you

wen my love for u is so true

hey baby..hush dont say a thing..

please be my queen wen im a king

baby..this aint my last gudbye..

please don’t say gudbye..for I will cry

together baby..we will fly..

fly so high..till we reach the sky..<3

Imtf knocks..143

a word which can describe however u feel..is AWESOME:D

so i've been looking through many many quotes on google lately...and well....i found alot that are quite close to how i feel sometimes...so yea..enjoy;)

People overcome their fear of rejection every day, finding the courage to say "I love you." But what about the very real fear of ruining a friendship?

How wondrous it is to realize that a best friend is also the person we love...

Time spent with a friend can easily become more than just time spent with a friend.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. "

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.

One cannot and must not try to erase the past merely because it does not fit the present.

Jealousy is always born with love, but does not always die with it

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.

Trust is like a vase...once it's broken, though you can fix it..the vase will never be the same again.


that's all for now..im getting emo==...ttfn:D

SMILES ALWAYS

a thought ...

Often times we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you..<3

je tre tre tre desole...Parfois je voudrais vous poser, comment êtes-vous? "comme nous le faisions .. mais je sais que les choses ne sont pas plus la même ..

te regarder chanter aujourd'hui .. me fait pleurer .. Je suis tellement désolé pour tout ce que j'ai fait pour vous faire du mal .. vous ne pourriez pas voir ce que c'est? mais ce que nous avions était grande .. c'était juste des choses tristes n'a pas fonctionné entre nous ..


'rentabilité' et 'l'homme qui ne peut être proposée' a été une belle chanson .. vous avez utilisé pour la chanter pour moi:) Je me souviens. et je sais que vous n'allez pas me croire quand je dis que vous manquez. mais merci pour les souvenirs.

J'espère que vous avez déplacé sans moi. vous méritez un mister vie heureuse "bonbon" appelant:) hahha. prendre soin. sourit toujours .. et oui .. j'ai été enchantée de vous rencontrer aussi .. désolé et merci. au revoir.

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry :(


>bonbon>>tt<<

ow maiiii:D

don't you know who you are? you're my shooting star:D

KNOCKS SAYSSSSSS THISSSS...

each nite i ask the stars up above,

why must i be a teenager in love?

one day i feel so happy

next day i feel so sad

i guess i have tonite

each nite i ask the stars up above

why do i love her so much


p.s. though i might not be able to offer you as much as u offer me..i offer u nothing less the the world..ily..thanks for sticking by me:)
IMTF

lurveeeeeeee quote

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

nice quote;)

if you're the one...

heard this song when i was a little girl...and love it till now:)..<3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3bFOT1e-AU&feature=related

If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I don't understand If I'm not made for you,
then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I don't understand If I'm not made for you,
then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today

'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I don't understand If I'm not made for you,
then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
~END~

i bet you have no idea how i feel towards you..but if i could tell you anything..it would be this song..except the wife part><..lols. anyways, it doesn't matter how i feel anymore...cause i know things will never work out. thanks for the memories..imtf<3>

wishes;D

some earliest wishes on my bday:D

shyam called me 11.57 and talked till 12. hahahha. sho sweet:)
: happy birthday chubby cheeks...have fun yea..smile...

keshen's called was the best and most epic wish><
: hello? hello? happpy birthday? hello hello? *hangs up*
lmao!

kiren was the next kept on saying he was hyper..i wonder why he was..and now i noe
: EPY BUFDAY TO U,EPY BUFADAY TO U,U SO CHUBBY AND SO CUTEEEEE,U KNOE I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EPY BUFDAY CARISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

followed by zhen who needed clues==
: OHH HAPPY BDAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY:DDDDDDDDDDDDD hv a good one:D

herrvena was surprisingly early:D
: OMG carissa! your as OLD as me now! lol. hapi birthday to u my dear dear P***** P***** n most G******* carissa who sings so well(: hv a crazy year bein 16:d yeha!

tommy's msg was daaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmnnnn longgggggg..but all meaningful and well if it wasnt long it wouldnt b tom;)
: hapi birthday urmmm idk wat to say actually got so much wana say but x do..so i x exactly noe wat i cud tell u n wat nt 2...etc etc..(end with) ..ey vouz cyys, joyeuz anniversaire peut un dieu benir u...au revoir:)

my dear pillay ahem i mean shaarmila was next:)
:happy sweet 16 carissa! have an awesome one! love u babe..(yuck lol..jk)

well all these are the dear people who wished me at 12 sharp:)..thank you ya'll love you all so much:D...made me realise how happy n lucky i am to have you all by my side..god bless you all...imtf<3

just a dream~

(just a dream rhythm)
i was thinking bout food,
thinking bout meat,
thinking bout us,
what we gonna eat..
open my eyes..and there was KFC...xD..lmao.

(some funny before crap starts><)


wow...i had a great dream this afternoon:D..yay yay!..only sad part was when i woke up>< is="=">

anyways...so yea..he was walking me home and we made our way to a nearby park and we sat side by side just talking like no ones watching. laughing...smiling..just spending time together. so well we left awhile later and made our way to my home. we were watchin a movie together on the sofa bed...and he jz leaned back and grab my hands...held them tightly..looking in to my eyes..and giving me a smile. its funny cause i remember his beautiful brown eyes..but..i dont remember his face? haiz. i wished i did:) he laid down beside me...pushing my head against his bare chest..so warm and comfy...played around..cuddled and just spent out time together. i laid there...on his broad shoulders..playing with his hair..lingering my fingers through his hair..he held my hand and placed them on his chest..: can you feel it? he winked. :' that's my heart..its beating..beating for you:). my heart literally melted.

before i could reply..i opened my eyes..and my phone alarm was ringing. haizz..why did the beautiful dream have to end. i wish i could have times like this with the one i love more often. just the perfect touch to a relationship...time to bond<3

only down part of today...was i needed MORE TIME! great memory will remain in my heart always..the only down part...was i opened my eyes..and it was only JUST A DREAM~...imtf


anyways..my dear pingy's birthday was today!!! 16..getting old;) HAPPY BIRTHDAY PINGY! hope you had an awesome one. mei loves u always. smile and never give up. i gotcha back k:) blackberry SUXS><...ttfn...you're the best. sorry and thanks for everythg:) IMTF KWP<3

~you know you're in love when you cant sleep, cause finally reality is better than your dreams..~

relating..

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy..

found this o.O

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.

bits a pieces of my heart :(

you're leaving me today...and i cant call of reach you for maybe a week. hahaha...well..we've tahan not seeing each other for a month before right? im such a baby...sorry. hope you have a safe trip and have loads of fun:) will miss ya! and yes..i mean it==

its freakin 3am in the morning! wat am i doin here! talkin to zhen just gave me a slight sense of relief. and hving chuiyin care for me was the best:) am i okay she asks? sorry dear if you're readin this..i lied. haha. but dont people always? a white lie is better than hurtin others or makin them worried about you. so i guess why not. i post on fb that im emo..but when ppl ask..i say im fine. how plain stupid is dat?== but well..dont wana tink about crap when my life's actually pretty awesome:). i should be thankful.

gonna freestyle here and crap all the things i wan to because i can:D

come lets do another series of questioning? lame right. haiz. im so bored and lame. no lifed as they said. ahhahahah. why am i laughin..this is lame==. 1.2.3. goo!!!!!

why am i so caught up in making things right with everyone?
why do i give a damn to a thing everybody says?
why is it so awkward to talk to her?
isit because she talked behind my back when i trusted her ?
or isit just me?
why cant i accept the fact i cant have everything i wan?
why do i have to be so selfish?
isit the right thing?
or wrong thing?
why do i have to choose?
why do i think so much about you?
why do i still think about you?
and why dont i think more about you?
why do i feel so guilty?
why cant i just be heartless and mean?
why did i even say that? ==
what do you mean when you say 'i love you'?
do i perasan too much?
am i just craving for attention?
or am i just an emo wreck?
why do i like icecream but never eat it anymore?
what kind of a question is that? -.-
why do i miss you when im not suppose to?
why don't i miss you when im suppose to?
did i really hurt you?
do you know that you've hurt me too?
will you all ever forgive me truly?
why do i envy you?
why do i get jealous ?
why do i have to bring everyone down when i can prevent it all?
isnt it stupid and foolish?
why cant i just move on?
why cant i just appreciate all i have?
why ow why?

i really wonder do i need a huge slap on the face telling me..: HEY YOU ASS! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! REALITY SUXS! And yours is not bad at all..why cant you just deal with all you have before its too late.

why cant i insert that and store it permanently in my thick stubborn skull?

tc..ttfn..CONFUSED AND GUILTY AS EVER..

dedicated to a certain someone...( you're the best)

i wrote this months ago...i know..but..well..i read it again..and i hope you see this..cause i mean every word i say. it might not be much..but its how i really feel. :) enjoy!!

~STILL THERE FOR YOU~

i came into this place, the morning of my very first day,
sitting there all alone. try to stay out of everybody's way.
you came to me with a smile on your face,
our friendship started and my heart started to race.
don't you see how much you mean to me?
girl, i got your back, and you've got mine.
it took me some time to really see,
you're one of a kind and know that you have a friend in me.
now even though faith separated us apart,
you were there for me, and now from the bottom of my heart,
now please know, that i'm still here for you.
we had our laughs, we had our tears,
everyday was a dream come true to me,
we got distant and your cries i never heard.
a picture to burn in my head, i just let you be.
we regained our bond throughout time,
i thought noone was here, except you.
a shoulder to cry onn, life was hard like 'the climb'.
my tears rolled down like rain that day,
when i heard what you had to say.
your departure was hard to accept.
but even though we're separated miles and miles,
no matter how, i can't forget your smile.
now all i hope for is that you're happy and okay,
and i'm still here for you, forever and always:D

SYT...i miss you..and i hope you're smiling:D
p.s. im not les xD