hey bloggie..
i really dunno wats goin on with me lately.
one word to describe myself now.. CONFUSED..
a word..which i never overcame..a feeling..i never quite understood..and yet..i go thru it so many times..and know nothing about it? nothing to explain it. im a teenager...being confused will fill 90% of my days. not surprising.
so why am i confused?
cause of several reasons.
then why cant i just move on with it?
im only human.and its hard. i just cant really let go of certain stuff. and its just da way i am.
still..thats not an excuse?
yea. very true. i just really cant explain myself? its like..sometimes..i feel like..i rather not know something den to noe? cz...if i duno..at least i have some hope? even if i know its happening.. im lying to myself? haha. wat a stupid thing to do. but...people do stupid things? tellin myself a white lie..so i wouldnt get hurt.
so what if it hurts u? isnt life surpose to be filled with challenges to face? u always said dat?
so true. but..things are eazier said than done. yea..i always tell people..try...at least try. i am trying? but i guess its not enough? i duno la! its so hard sometimes..esp im so negative in life. and probs. i tote i changed..but...old habits nvr go away? im jz lying to myself..tryin to be hapi wen i x? i told my frens..nt to emo to make othrs emo? i gues. sumtyms..i do show dat i am..cz i reli wan my frens to care.
why da hell do u do that for?
i noe its wrong. but people...oni layan me more wen i emo? like ask wats wrong wif u and all those. i gues..i crave their attention cuz i x get enough..and i miss everyone terribly everytime. its so wrong...but...damn it..why am i doin this? its selfish i know.
selfish? then wats da point of being selfish? when you know its wrong!
cause ppl are better than me? and i get jealous. they x layan me cz sum1 better comes along and im nothing? ok..im wrong to tink dat way. i should mix with dem. so..i nvr been selfish. and..sumtyms..i feel da need to do so.
don't you look down at urself..a tad too much?
duhh! im not dat smart. im nt dat pretty. not interested in sports. and i afraid ppl judge me to fast? when dey dont? bt..i haten being compared to..or gt beaten by other..even wen dey dont mean to? JEALOUS person here!!! hate being judge.
stop complaining and change!
im trying? but not gud enough. i will be positive..try to be more la. its so hard...but..i know for the best i have to. i mite not do it now..but...im trying. a promise to myself? im lying again!! arrgh..i really hope i can la. no will power..must grow n gain some.==
a series of askin myself stupid ques and giving answer to myself. i already know what im doin wrong. and yet..im doin nothing? i wanna be der for frens..but i guess..i have to be der for myself..before i do for others. care for myself? ppl say im nice? n i care abt others too much? maybe im just acting..cz i dont mean trouble for them...but..as long as dey noe im der? den..im down with it. not 100% sincere..but ya...a smile cn make me hapi for a day.
must be THERE FOR FRIENDS!!...gambateh gambateh!!
forget abt da pass LET GO and MOVE ON .
praying and HOPING for the best.
a big sorry for hurting my friends so much. deepest apology...and i love you all. thank for being here when i need you all. GOD bless you all:)
ttfn..^^
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