here i am...looking through people's blogs..and i came across this..nt gonna mension the name.. but she's really important...reading this..i cried? lols..maybe i might be perasan...to think she's talkin abt me..bt...even if its not...i feel bad...nt being there for her.. she leavin...was a harsh painful part of my life leavin me=(..i didnt like meet her..thru other people..its like..our friendship grew by itself..since form1...3 years...surpose to be 2 years n 4 months? lols...and well..everytym i feel like crying..i tink..she's there...to lend me a shoulder..but everytime i turn to look..she aint der..smiling back at me..noone der..to teach my somthing..when im comfused. i have to admit..her departure..really made me more independant..more open minded? i gues i rely on her too much..so i thnk her for that.. so this is what she wrote..in her blog~
hey..today end of exam..no more studying ..yay..finally get to read my books(storybooks)n also play the net..lolz....but inside me theres something stirring...a bad feeling..its been one week i didnt get a call from her n everytime i try calling..no one picks up..even her house phone..its like its abondoned..i miss her..but she isnt with me ..she didnt call back..at least tell me right ...haiz..i guess tats how my life is gonna be at last...i left skul..frens forgotten bout me..guess tats me..im the one should be forgotten by them not me..im meant nothing to her actually...i always thought of her as my sis...but wad i get in return in the end?be forgotten in the end..but im not sure if she is like tat...becoz some part of me keep convincing me tat she is busy...and tat part is stronger n it won ..i listen to it...so i keep the feelings apart...and let it be forgotten...tat one week, hv been tough for me without listening to her talk bout her probs..and some nights i shed some tears be4 i go to sleep....lolz..who will believe tat i hv shed a tear for her?i thought im a strong person..but looks like im wrong..haha..i need someone to be here with me but i guess tat wish couldnt come true at all...no one is here to understand me..(i didnt mean to offend u ,ryuichi..if u r even reading this but its like the truth..i noe u get me bt still not all part of me..)no one cares for me sometimes..but some do...in my gang..im the more-listening-to-their-probs-then-telling-them-my-probs...lolz...i dunno why im like tat..maybe its becoz i dunno how to explain it to them?>.<...lolz...the feelings are getting stronger from day to day..and i cry more often then ever..this is then first time i ever cry so much in years..n jz becoz for a fren..JZ A FREN...for tat fren..i lose my strength...becoz of tat ..she is my fren..she can jus guess tat im hving a prob by jz looking at me in the eyes and she can jz see through my soul...she hv always been the one fren for me..even theres others..becoz i got her help..she helps me in everything..i still remember the time we used to have..its retarded...tat time make me sad...remembering h er to be with me..sometimes i imagine her standing beside me...but when i try touching her..she disappeared with the wind..hate this feelings..im the one who will get hurt in return..everytime its like tat..no changing..where d she go when i need her so much...feel like breaking down...i miss her so much..much more than my life...its like she stole part of my life ...=(...emoing..
thnk to dat ryuuichi...gal..for being there for her la. but..gawd...i feel horrible! and its so painful...everytime i come up the stairs at school..i look up..and remember times..when she use to stand at the corridor waiting for me..smiling..but nw...i look...nothing...NOTHING.. empty! like noone! shaarmila...sure she's here for me..but she's nt her...a tear shed..isnt worth her crying for me...i hope she gets that..she was...is and always will be my friend...even if i dont' show it..i miss her..but we both have to move on..and not dwell on the past..our memories..cant be erase..yea i can say...she was a TRUE FRIEND..and still is..THNK SYT..
ttfn;)
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